/Fatherly Falcon Lists for Freshmen

Fatherly Falcon Lists for Freshmen

To those stepping onto our bricks for the first time, no worries. College may be an imposing step in life, but you’ll find that Montevallo’s small size and unique community will make it feel like home in no time.
While that process will take time, it certainly helps to have a few hints along the way. So, in no particular order of importance, The Alabamian presents a few helpful lists to guide and prepare you for your stay here:




1.) Eclipse Coffee and Books – Bands, books and baked goods. Their menu offers everything from freshly prepared cinnamon buns to hearty sandwiches with heaping helpings of vegetables and herbs. Add a giant porch with friendly cats and you have a great place to eat lunch and hangout.

2.) Main Street Tavern – Montevallo’s only bar normally possess the air of a nightclub, but it also happens to craft some incredible food. Pasta, sandwiches and your normal bar fare are served to order with all organic ingredients. For you adventurous types: two patties with all the fixings and two grilled cheese sandwiches as buns. Sound tantalizing enough? Then ask for the Ultimate Main Street Burger. It’s best to bring a non carb-fearing buddy.

3.) El Agave – Located across the street from the Tavern, El Agave is the easiest way to get your southwestern fix. The south of the border spot serves all manner of Mexican classics and a “fresh-squeezed lime margarita.” You may catch a professor or two sipping one and getting silly.


1) McDonald’s on Main – Do not waste your time. Long drive thru lines that nearly empty out onto the street coupled with poor customer service has caused many students to award it the illustrious title of “The Worst McDonalds Ever In Existence.” If the craving for chicken Mcnuggets is just too strong, then venturing to its cousin in Calera will almost certainly satisfy your need more efficiently.



1) Giants and Toys – Montevallo’s biggest name in music. This band of Lambda Chis couples alterna-rock tendencies with classic rock stomp.

2) Nightmare Boyzzz – This buzzworthy band of garage rock knuckle heads will equal parts blow back your hair and your mind. They serve up a blistering, loud as hell take on punked out surf rock; you will leave with your hearing softened.

3) Plains – Led by Eclipse main man Travis Swinford, this psych garage group often serves as an opening act. Don’t let that first slot position fool you, though. They combine solid-enough rock tunes with impressive live band interplay and will school any closing act refusing to step up to the plate.

4) Mouse Teeth – When this trio makes a rare appearance, faces are rocked to the fullest. Jaw-dropping jazz style drums, a tilt-a-whirl grooving bass player and a possessed shaman of a frontman make Mouse Teeth an essential live act to witness.


1) College Night-You’ve heard all about it from the flyers and have perhaps already witnessed it as an audience member. But as a student? The stakes are raised, the spirit flags fly and the theatrical pandemonium that follows provides an experience like no other.

2) Midnight Breakfast-Arguably the most successful event UPC puts on. This late night brunch serves as a different sort of “cramming” before the deathly toll of finals becomes a reality the next day. Oh, and it’s free to all students. That includes commuters and others who didn’t buy a meal plan. Get there early.

3) Bid Day-Many will grimace and cover their ears at the excited shrieks and relieved grunts of freshly picked Greeks. However, those in the center of the hoopla cite it as the day their lives in Montevallo began.

4) “He’s A Lady”-This handsome pageant is hosted by the Alpha Gams every winter. The other sororities each recruit a fake-breasted fellow to represent them by performing skits and strutting their, uh..stuff. While the make-upped men get all the glory, it’s no secret that the real winners are the spectators cheering them on.

5) Life Raft Debate-This “post-apocalyptic” battle of the majors pits six professors against each other as they attempt to debate the importance of their fields in the survival of the human race. You can also look forward to a day free of classes as every debate falls on our Founder’s Day.

6) Graduation-It’s why we’re all here. It will loom in the distance as both your much anticipated escape as well as your most treasured goodbye.



1) Doctor Who-Complete with its own Whovian Society right here on campus. Debates over the superior Doctor can lead to fast friends as well as embittered rival fans.

2) The Walking Dead-UPC hosted viewing parties in Farmer Hall last year for all of season three. While shuffling and moaning will probably turn most people off, a well-placed reference could land you instant recognition.

3) Breaking Bad-With the hugely popular and award winning show entering its final season, there will no doubt be much on campus discussion about its aftermath. Note: Please be aware that we frown on homemade meth labs.


1) Coming to class late-Set those alarms and just skip lunch if it cuts to close; college professors are not paid to review missed class material with you.

2) Using class discussion time inefficiently-Talk about the subject at hand not about how sunburned you got on your cruise this summer.

3) Late work on College Night preparations-Don’t do it.

4) Sleeping in class due to College Night preparations-Seriously, don’t do it.

5) Any excuse involving College Night-They can’t officially celebrate a side and therefore DO. NOT. CARE.

6) Forgetting to check forUM-It takes a bit of time to get used to, but forUM is an essential tool in keeping informed about what goes on both in class and on campus. Canvas is the other online tool you will quickly get familiar with for grades and online assignments. They are essentials for an “A” or “B.”

7) Missing test days-It is rare that a professor will work with you on making up a test. Think really hard about how crucial that day trip to Atlanta is before you take it.

8) Ignoring a “hi” when you see them around campus-Running into your professors outside of class will happen. It comes with the territory of being in a small school. A simple wave or a “hello” will do.



1) Fire dancers-Do not raise an alarm if you witness a brief flash of flame near Farmer Hall at night. Unless of course the actual building is on fire–raise many alarms in that case. These fiery females are very talented and are only dangerous if viewed from an unsafe distance.

2) Late night Ocarina-There exists a student on our campus that enjoys serenading the night air with this “Legend of Zelda” famed instrument. If you’re into that kind of thing or are annoyed by his one man parade you can answer his calls with a swift deku nut.

3) Nearly naked ATOs singing outside of the female dorms-They say it’s NOT hazing, but it certainly is funny.

4) The Purple/Gold songs before college night shows-The songs are beautifully sung and the tradition is an absolutely captivating spectacle; however, this does not save the dual rings of spirited chanting students from resembling a cult ritual.

5) Dorm ghosts-You’ll hear about them all through your four years here. Especially if you’re a female living in Main. It’s your choice to believe in the rumors. Just don’t go near King House late at night….


1) The Alabamian-Montevallo’s official student newspaper. The paper is on a hunt for new staff members. However, don’t be afraid to submit an idea that you just HAD to get on paper. All contributions are welcome. For more info, send a message to Editor-in-Chief Heather Buckner at the alabamian@montevallo.edu or contact campus advisor Tiffany Bunt at bunttr@montevallo.edu.

2) The Montage-The student run campus yearbook. Fancy yourself an amateur photographer? Enjoy scrapbooking? Consider the Montage your new home base. For more info, send a message to Editor-In-Chief Laura Quattrochi at lquattro@montevallo.edu or campus advisor Amanda Melcher at melchera@montevallo.edu.

3) The Tower-Our campus literary arts magazine. They feature student submitted poems, short stories and art. You have most of the year to submit contributions, so no excuses for “losing” that crumpled poem from high school. For more info, send a message to Editor-in-Chief Hannah Stein at hstein@forum.montevallo.edu or campus advisor Bryn Chancellor at bchancellor@forum.montevallo.edu.


4) UPC-Have some neat ideas for coordinating entertaining events for students? The wildest

ideas are fair game; they do host a “silent” headphone-dependent dance party, after all. For more info, contact UPC coordinator Tanya Hoang at thoang@forum.montevallo.edu or campus advisor Jenny Bell at jbell8@montevallo.edu.

5) BCM- The Baptist Campus Ministry, located at 1055 Highland St., offers small groups, Christian worship services Tuesday nights at 8 p.m., and fun, fellowship-oriented events such as Game Night and Halloween Parties. It’s important to note that the BCM welcomes students of all religious backgrounds to their events.

6) Philosophy Club-Sit back with a hot slice as you contemplate life’s greatest paradoxes with the big, boisterous, bearded man himself: Doctor Michael Patton. For more info, contact campus advisor Steve Forrester at forrestersb@montevallo.edu.

7) SPECTRUM-Montevallo’s gay/straight/bi/transgender alliance. This group hosts everything from events that promote tolerance to participating in Atlanta pride marches. All sexual orientations are welcome. For more info, email club president Lydia Clements at lclements@forum.montevallo.edu or contact campus advisor Bryn Chancellor at bchancellor@forum.montevallo.edu.

8) & 9) College Night Sides-When one chooses a side, it’s as simple as a personal declaration. For those wishing to get directly involved with the College Night tradition there exists several positions to choose from. Both sides have cabinets that help collect and allocate funds to make the competing productions happen, as well as a large cast and crew that build the production from the ground up.

Purple Side-Those that choose Purple as their college night side color will adopt the cow as their mascot. Purple promotes “diversity” but is at times notorious for being “wild.”

Gold Side-Those that choose Gold as their college night side color adopt the lion as their mascot. Gold promotes being “classy” but is at times notorious for being “uptight.”

10) SGA-The Student Government Association is made up of several elected offices that students can run for in March of every year. The SGA’s main duties range from allocating funds for other student organizations to sponsoring several social events throughout the year. For more info, contact campus advisor Jenny Bell at jbell8@montevallo.edu.

11) Fraternity/Sorority-If you enjoy touting patterned Greek letters on your shirts, go Greek. If you are male and enjoy a lot of frisbee throwing and zombie hunting, go Greek. If you are female and enjoy matching outfits or squeals of joy, go Greek.

12) AWK. Productions-A brand new organization making their first mark on campus this year. According to their small page on the Student Affairs web page, AWK. will work on projects to “document student work” as well as create “leadership/network activities.” AWK. may just prove to be the outlet for those of you whose ideas haven’t quite fit with the above clubs. For more info, contact club president Korey Wilson at kwilson@montevallo.edu or campus advisor Tiffany Wang at twang@montevallo.edu.



1) Ding dong, Sodexo is dead-Basically, the food last year sucked. And has sucked for a long, long time. Chartwells promises to wow us with fresher food and Moe’s. That promise means just a little more to those of us who dealt with recycled lunch beef in our dinner pasta last year.


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