Graphic by Seven Jones, layout editor. By Nethan Crew, Minister of truth
Carter James, the now former editor-in-chief of this fine paper, has been removed from his position due to his being emotionally unavailable and losing every brain cell he has at 10 p.m.every night.
The Student Publications Committee met and established myself, Nethan Bartholemew Crew, as the new editor-in-chief — or some would say, the new Minister of Truth for the University.
This issue has been a long time coming. My fellow comrades in the editorial staff staged a coup in the beginning of March to ruin Carter’s reputation with the masses. He is not funny. He has bad opinions about movies. This is for all of our “Punk Rock Girl” enjoyers and Taylor Swift fans alike. Today is a new day for the Alabamian.
From now on, only GOOD, REAL news will be published, none of this “protest this” and “musical that” nonsense. Do you want to know the newest details on Frank Ocean’s new project that definitely exists? We have a sneak peek with Mr. Ocean and his creative process.
Do you know about the new fourth side for College Night? We’re here to tell you. Do you want to only read album reviews and coverage of the unbearable season of Montevallo Overwatch E-Sports? We’re your guys (and girls and any other gender districting word.)
We here at the Alabamian understand that students have concerns about our university and the world around us. Where is the Kendrick Lamar/Baby Keem collab album? Who will be the new university president and why will it be Caleb Jernigan? Why did the Overwatch team win a single match within all of the Overwatch Masters’ season?
We’ll give you the information first. Before Shelby County Reporter, before WBRC 6, before your buddy can walk up to you and tell you that he has a hunch. And so what if it’s completely correct? It’s not like there is an unbiased news source anywhere on TV, so why would there be one here?
All of this to say, we’re proud that the Alabamian has been bringing local, state and national news to this fine campus for now 100 years, and it makes me very proud to be your new dictator of media… I mean editor-in-chief.
Nethan Crew is the Managing Editor of Production for The Alabamian. He's a Psychology major and enjoys cooking, camping and listening to new music in his free time.
